An Inside Scoop on Homosexuality.

When we started talking about homosexuality back in November I knew that I wanted to do this blog; I just didn't get around to it until now. I've mentioned before that my wife has some friends who are gay, and I certainly consider them friends to me too. These are people she's known since she was very young. She went to school with them through elementary, middle, high school, and even some university with all of them.


Her friends' being gay has had a tremendous impact on not just her life, but even her family's considering that they switched between churches of the same denomination as a result of one church's stance on gay marriage. I asked Amanda a few questions about all of this; here it is...


Tell me about the rally you went to in 2003. 
That was a rally at the legislature building in Edmonton of people who opposed gay marriage. We went to oppose that group, which was maybe 150-200 people strong. It was really emotionally overwhelming and intense; all I could really do was stand there and take it all in.

What made it so intense?
There was a lot of emotion and anger in the air, coming from both directions. I remember that I only spoke up once, but the details are foggy. A non-supporter of gay marriage, a lady, said something about the bible and I said something back about how I'd been taught in church to love other people. It's hard to remember; it was such an emotional experience.


All of your friends had come out before then? 
Yes. And it was not a big deal for me when they did. It was a surprise, but nothing major was made of it. I asked one of my friends how his love life was and he said "well, I've been dating men." It was news to me, but  it wasn't alarming or upsetting at all. Another friend's parents had been asking him since he was in 8th grade if he was gay; so I guess they always kind of knew - they were just waiting for him to recognize it. Jill was the last to come out, probably because her parents would have the hardest time swallowing that idea. Her father looked at it with a doom & gloom business outlook: it would be detrimental to her budding career, and also to his own if people were to find out she was gay. In the end it's all worked out, but everyone's had to deal with things differently.

Where does it all begin?  

At church where they announced that they had been at a senate meeting where it was decided that the church would not support same sex marriage, and I stood up and walked out. I always knew that this was the underlying stance of the pulpit, but when it was publicly announced it felt like it was thrown in my face. I couldn't be a part of an organization that wouldn't accept my friends, especially considering that this organization was a religion.

This was the start of your family leaving that church?
Yes. Our parents wanted us to go to church. They never forced us, but they wanted us to want to go. My taking issue with the church's stance on gay marriage sparked their decision to move from one (Lutheran) church to another, which was a huge shake-up. They left a lot of their friends behind at that church, and a lot of people saw our family as believing that particular church wasn't good enough for them, and yet another one was. The important friendships have prevailed in the end.

What about the new church? 
This church belongs to a different senate who takes a much more 'do whatever you want' stance on things. They're okay with female pastors, for instance, where the old church still is not. They don't necessarily promote gay rights, but they certainly aren't vocally opposed to them either.

Where is everyone at in all of this now? 
It's all about putting yourself in an environment where you're comfortable. I (we) don't attend church regularly, but I told my parents I was never going to go back to that first church; it was important to them that they are in a church where if we (myself and my siblings) choose to go with them, we're comfortable; and they are.
They guys have done well for themselves by putting themselves in communities such as Toronto and Seattle where gay culture is flourishing and a lot more accepted among the masses. Jill is in a situation at her firm where she is still figuring out if her higher-uppers are okay with her lifestyle or not, therefore she mostly keeps quiet about it. It goes to show that coming out isn't an event, but a process. It's different for everyone.

Thanks!!


I've heard most of this before from Amanda, but it was informative for me to sit down with her and put the whole puzzle together. I feel very fortunate to have Amanda as a sort of 'link' to gay society. Just through luck of the draw I don't have any direct friends who are gay, and while I don't see gay friends as a novelty in life, I do consider them a blessing. I'm thinking about how the course of one's life can be altered so drastically in terms of who we surround ourselves with and how those people influence our thoughts and opinions, and I'm simply thankful that one way or another I've not ended up being a part of the population of people who are intolerant toward homosexuality. Of course I recognize that it comes down to me in the end, but outside influences aren't a factor to be ignored.
Why would anyone prefer to be at legislature rallying against gay marriage than cluckin' it up at Buddy's downtown is 20 Astronomical Units (that's a long way) beyond me!